


BEFORE THE BED, BEFORE THE KNIFE

by SILKCUT



Series: ɪɴꜱᴄʀɪʙᴇᴅ ʙʏ ꜱɪʟᴋᴄᴜᴛ [15]
Category: Grave | Raw (2016)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Inscribed by SILKCUT, Twitter Solo Roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29077218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SILKCUT/pseuds/SILKCUT
Summary: It must have been so painful when the tire rolled across its body, brutally snapping its bones and dragging away bits of its flesh and organs that were still scattered on the soil. Bugs--wriggling and hungry--had then looted the cat's spoiled meat and consumed whatever was left of it.
Series: ɪɴꜱᴄʀɪʙᴇᴅ ʙʏ ꜱɪʟᴋᴄᴜᴛ [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2132040
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

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Ｊｕｓｔｉｎｅ Ｂｏｕｃｈｅｒ

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## ❛ Ｅａｒｌｙ Ｄａｙｓ ❜

##  **༻✧**

Justine was five years old when she realized she wanted to become a veterinarian. It's true that both her parents are animal doctors, and that her older sister followed that legacy soon after, but to Justine it was for much more intimate reasons than simply keeping the family business alive.  
  
She recalled seeing a cat that got ran over by a car, its insides bleeding into the soil underneath its broken body. The child became thoroughly fascinated with how easy it could have been her or any of the children at school. She was probably one of the few who lingered, who stared too long at the carcass for no other reason except to memorize the details of its torn-up little body. Justine would have touched it--oh, she wanted to touch it, even with the maggots already coming out of its mangled intensines.   
  
The most memorable thing that struck the girl was how most of its body was flattened into the dirt, with its fur now an indistinguishable color, caked with blood and other filth. The side of its head was also squashed pretty badly that what she assumed was its brain matter had spilled out; gray and gooey and feasted on by flies. Its one eye looked yellow from the angle where she had been standing and devoid of any kind of expression except perhaps shock.   
  
It must have been so painful when the tire rolled across its body, brutally snapping its bones and dragging away bits of its flesh and organs that were still scattered on the soil. Bugs--wriggling and hungry--had then looted the cat's spoiled meat and consumed whatever was left of it.   
  
Justine was there for every stage of decomposition that stretched out for a few weeks, eagerly absorbing the ghastly changes of its rotting body.  
  
On the first three days since the cat's passing, most adults seemed quite sad about it and particularly upset that their children had to see such an awful sight almost every day as they walked by to class. The carcass was displayed near the main gate of the school after all. The precocious child didn't know how her classmates felt about it, but she was very intrigued by the dead cat and would purposely choose that pathway so she can get glimpses of how far along it was decaying.  
  
Justine couldn't recall why the administration didn't just have it cleaned up; perhaps they did, but she's also quite certain that it must have taken a while because the memory of her standing over it for many days before and after she went to class were rather still vivid in her young mind.  
  
And that's how she knew that she wanted to learn precisely how an animal's body works and decays.   
  
She could never explain it, but something primal had been awakened inside her then; one she would neglect for years up until she finally set foot to her university.

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**[@GIRLHOODGONERAW](https://twitter.com/girlhoodgoneraw) **

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	2. Chapter 2

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Ｊｕｓｔｉｎｅ Ｂｏｕｃｈｅｒ

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## ❛ Ｗｉｎｇｓｐａｎ ｏｆ ｔｈｅ ｓｏｕｌ ❜

##  **༻✧**

Justine recalled the very first time she saw a huge flock of birds flying together across the sky. 

She was nine years old, and she was the kind of child who opted to play doctor with her parents' equipment inside their house rather than play on the streets, much like her outgoing sister Alexia.

Justine was sickly too with asthma and allergies, and it made her rather uncomfortable in her own skin. Other children also thought her too meek—that she's only as pretty ‘like a doll’, they’d whisper among themselves to describe how easy it would be to put her on strings and make her dance for their pleasure. She'd always felt back then that her own frail and bony body betrayed the encompassing weight of her heart and imagination.

But Justine knew she wasn’t meant to be so fragile, and so she hated every second she was made to feel like she was. 

What she remembered very clearly during that day when she saw the birds was that she never felt so alone. It was in the neighborhood playground. Alexia was there too, true, but her big sister was preoccupied chasing other children. Meanwhile, Justine was among the bigger swings for adults. It took her a few tries to climb it, and there was also no one to help push her from behind so she could ride the swing as it was meant to be ridden.

This moment of her childhood would have been completely forgettable if it wasn't for the birds (It would have been just another day of sisterly neglect and parental oversight). 

But she closed her eyes now, Justine can picture those avians too easily.

The sky was just starting to lose all its blue as the night descended steadily upon the houses, its clutch deepening into nothing more but a hushed silence. It left the sky pale gray and the clouds into smudged spots. Justine thought the whole world was supposed to be like this; quiet and melancholic with only a few glimpses of hope and joy.

There’s nothing wrong about that, isn’t it? After all, she found it so beautiful—that feeling of solitude even while in the company of others. At nine years old, she was already thinking to myself: 'Maybe I’m going to grow up lonely, and lonely won’t be so bad. Lonely would be a blessing'.  
  
And then the birds came. She didn’t even look up until everyone in the playground had pointed upwards. Their eager, smiling faces intrigued her, so Justine followed their gaze and was greeted with several birds in a coordinated formation. Shortly thereafter, the ensemble of birds began to multiply tenfold until they were scattered across the bleak expanse of the sky. The resonating sound of their beating, mighty wings filled the modest patch of land where they were all down below, and all she could do was just sit there on the swing as she kept her face tilted upwards—her eyes wide because of curiosity and mild apprehension. 

Justine also thought she was going to cry because she swore those wings echoed within her and made their way through the gaps of her ribcage to seize hold of her depleted heart. Was she the only one who felt this way? She glanced at Alexia's way, but her sister's face was obscured by the heads of other children.  
  
Justine hated how the birds made her too aware of how bound she was to the ground when all she has ever wanted to do was soar among them. It broke her child-heart a little that they couldn’t take her right there and then and show her what it would be like to look at the world from a higher place and not care whether she would ever land or not. 

How do they do that? How come they are so free when she was not? She needed wings too. If she had wings, she wouldn’t have to feel so small and weak. Justine can look forward to her next flight to the heavens and abandon those who have chosen to do the same to her. 

As a little girl, she'd always felt like she might as well have been living in a cage. She can’t relate to other children, her parents had set out her life for her down to the vegetarian diet she and Alexia should always eat; and her big sister always acted more like a stranger except in those moments she wanted her friends to visit and see what an unusual little girl Justine was. 

These are the despairing contemplations she used to have when she was just nine years old. It was during that tender age when she also began to feel the wanderlust creep inside her, where she wanted to escape everything including her own home. The thought of being left behind when majestic creatures like birds exist embittered Justine to the very idea of living as her plain, boring self. She couldn’t imagine being just a little girl anymore, not when the experiences she had then were either so mind-numbingly ordinary or too bizarre to even speak about. 

But up there in the sky, Justine Boucher can be whoever she wanted and more. Oh, if only, if only...!

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**[@GIRLHOODGONERAW](https://twitter.com/girlhoodgoneraw) **

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